A Tale of Two Cities

I never intended to get this sappy or reveal this much this early on in this blog, but timeliness prevails.  Two nights ago my heart broke a little.  And it's not the first time.  S, T and I were visiting my family in New York for Thanksgiving.  T and I are staying for three weeks, but S had to head back to London to return to work after only six days.  S and I are no strangers to separation, but I'm constantly surprised that it never gets any easier.

A little background to illustrate my point:
S and I met 10 years ago in a suitably seedy bar in the Hamptons while he was working in New York.  I was at my best friend's bachelorette party and he was there with some friends that he was sharing a summer house with.  That should give you some indication of the type of occasion this was exactly...in any case it was as romantic as it could be under the circumstances - I think we had our first kiss under the contents of a can of Bud.  As you do.  A week or so later we had our first date, then our second and then our third.  Before we knew it we were in a relationship.

And then it happened - after 2 1/2 years of dating, S had to go back to London.  What will you do? people wanted to know.  Frankly, we had no idea so we decided to try to see one another as often as possible and just see what happened.  That was December.  By April, I was done with the long-distance thing and called S to tell him.  "We could just get married," he blurted out.  Um, come again??  Of course it had come up before, but we had decided we weren't there yet.  But, I guess that old sayings are old sayings for a reason - hearts really do grow fonder.  We got married in February 2004, after having lived in separate countries for 14 months.  I quit my job, packed up my stuff and moved to London to be with S, knowing it would be hard, but looking at it as an adventure. 

We waited to have T for a variety of reasons.  Among them, for me, were the complications that an international relationship inevitably throws up.  I'm a real daydreamer, but I'm not unrealistic.  I know a crazy percentage of marriages end in divorce.  What would happen to our child if our relationship broke down?  Would he be shuttled across an ocean twice a year for two weeks at a time?  Would he have a good relationship with both his parents?  Would S and I be able to remain civil for the sake of a kid?  I still shudder to think, especially now that we have T.  And, forgive me S, but sometimes when I'm feeling down, I wonder if I made the right decision 10 years ago.  But you can't help who you fall in love with and you get to a point where you just need to shove the "what ifs" to the back of your brain, else you'd never live your life.

So, back to the airport - S and I said our goodbye at the security gate, with my dad looking anywhere else he could to avoid seeing the kissing, as if we weren't nearly middle aged!  And as I started to tear up, Dad made a comment to the effect that I was being overly dramatic.  Defensively, and perhaps without thinking, I shot back with "I'm sorry, but my life kinda sucks right now!"  My dad just shook his head as S walked toward the gate.  "You don't know what you have!" he said.

I knew I spoke carelessly, but I think it's really hard for people to understand how difficult it is to live in a place where most of the people that you love are not.  And then to visit that place and to have the person that perhaps you love the most leave.  So that even when I'm home, I'm saying goodbye. 

I know I'm incredibly lucky - I have an amazing little boy who smiles easily and often.  I have a wonderful husband who has proven time and again that his love is unconditional.  I have warm, generous, loving parents who let me be me despite the fact that being me means I (and by extension T) am not often around.  I have a brother who is much sweeter than he pretends to be and who has a beautiful family that I simply adore.  I have a gorgeous grandmother who I've learned important life's lessons from - from how to shimmy seductively to how to love someone with all of my heart.

And that's just on one continent.

So I didn't start out to write a Thanksgiving post, but maybe that's what this is.  I am so very thankful for the many wonderful things and people in my life - I just wish I could have them all at once.

And I suppose that concept really hit home as my dad chastised me for not being thankful Monday night.  Because as I watched my husband walk away from me, a tear rolled down my cheek and I said to my dad "I know what I've got.  Unfortunately for me it's all separated by a big ocean."  And I know that we'll only be away from S for two weeks.  But when T and I are back in London, we'll be back with S, but we'll be missing our beautiful family and friends in New York.  And so the cycle continues...