Bashing Classics

I’m not in the business of bashing classics.  I’m probably way too timid and self-conscious to deal with the backlash.  But when a friend recently went to town on that old favourite children’s book Good Night Moon on her Facebook page...well, I guess it gave me a bit of courage to write about something that bothers me every year around this time.  Thank you, Natasha.  Sorry, Bob Geldof and about 40 of Britain’s top musicians of the 80’s.

Yes, you guessed it.  The source of my rage and anxiety for the past 20 or so Christmases is the smash hit “Do They Know It’s Christmas” and Band Aid.  

A little disclaimer first:  I fully appreciate and definitely commend the spirit and purpose of the song.  And, of course I recognize that it raised a lot of money for a very worthy charity.  And besides, there’s the video.  Who doesn’t love Sting in a Dorothy Hamill haircut?  

Or Bono with a mullet so bushy you’d think he was a squirrel? 

Or Phil Collins with any hair at all? (I'll spare you the photo) And I especially love when they focus in on Sting while he sings “Where the only water flowing is the bitter sting of tears.”  See that?  See what they did there?

Now that’s clever.  Which is why the LYRICS are so disappointing and cringe-worthy.  I get them, I really do.  I just find them in slightly poor taste and incredibly ambiguous.  Maybe Geldof wrote them in a hurry in order to get the song recorded and released before Christmas?  Wikipedia, that fount of all knowledge, doesn’t say.  (But it does say that Boy George was woken up by Geldof and flown to the UK from the US on the Concord for the recording.  They had the studio until 7pm, he arrived at 6.  There you go, your fun fact for the day!).   I don’t know if he was trying to be poetic or artistic or just trying to get things to rhyme in a hurry, but it just seems to me, if you’re releasing a song that’s meant to appeal to a mass audience, you need to take into consideration the lowest common denominator.

And incidentally, Bob Geldof thinks it's crap himself.  

So, here it is my hugest pet peeve, the reason why I want to change the station every time, but I grit my teeth and sing along anyway, because, well, I love to shout “Let-them-know-it’s-Christmas-time” at the top of my lungs like everyone else.  It’s Bono’s heart-wrenching “But tonight thank God it’s them instead of you.”  I get it.  I understand that it’s supposed to mean we should all be thankful that we’re not starving in a barren desert (which not ALL of Africa is, by the way, but I digress).  That we should thank our lucky stars that we’re healthy and happy with all of our modern conveniences.  But, ever since I was little, that one line struck me as being misleading at best, and heartless at worst.  Of course I appreciate all that I have, but why would I thank God that someone else doesn’t have it?   I know that’s not what was intended, but that’s what my 8 year old ears heard.  And I would bet that that’s what a lot of older than 8 year old ears heard at the time, and didn’t stop to ponder the line.  

As for the less offending lyrics, well, I could pick the whole song apart, line by line, but I’ll just share my highlights:

 “And there won’t be snow in Africa this Christmastime.”  Bob, that has nothing to do with Christmas.  Or money.  Or starvation.  That’s just geography.

“The greatest gift they’ll get this year is life.”  Hold on, isn’t the gift of life the greatest gift there is anyway?  Rivalled only by the heap of money Bob & Co are trying to get you to part with, I guess.  Although it’s hard to appreciate money when you don’t have the gift of....oh, never mind!

“And the Christmas bells that ring there are the clanging chimes of doom” Well, aren’t we dramatic?  If they don’t know it’s Christmas, they probably don’t have Christmas bells.  You can’t have it both ways, Bob. 

But, regarding “Do they know it’s Christmas time at all?”  Given that Christians form the largest religious group in Sub-Sarahan Africa and that North Africa is largely Islamic, I would guess that either they do, or they don’t really care.  

Some of you will say I’m being harsh.  Or even silly.  After all, we really shouldn’t rip something to shreds when we actually do understand what it’s SUPPOSED to say.  And I guess, in retrospect, it was something that made a lot of people aware and motivated them enough to give generously to those in need. So, I suppose I’ll have to admit that despite semantics “Do they know it’s Christmas?” was a good thing. Thus, in spite of myself, I tip my proverbial hat to the Band Aid phenomenon and, since it's Christmas, I'll shout along with everyone else “Let – Them – Know – It’s – Christmastime – A – FEEEEEED – The – Wo-orld.”